VICARIOUS – Experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person.
RUBBERNECK – Turn one’s head to stare at something in a foolish manner.
SCHADENFREUDE – Pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune.
If you are un-aware, reality TV is not real. No really, it is not real. Sorry to burst your bubble. It is scripted by the producers when they feel ratings are not going as well as they thought. Reality TV isn’t anything close to what some, if not most, every day families deal with on a daily basis. Obviously I have never been a fan of reality TV (The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Chrisly Knows Best, Married at First Sight, Say Yes to the Dress, any of the Real Housewives series, and my 2 all-time favorite loser shows Jersey Shore & The Kardashians). Maybe Married at First Sight is a thing (happened to Jen & I), but not like they scripted it on the show. I walked into the gym at 5:00am to workout and play racquetball with a friend, and she was the first person I saw in the morning. I knew I would marry her the minute I saw her.
I’m sure I have watched some form of reality TV at different periods of time (Queer Eye, Project Runway, American Idol, The Voice, Hells Kitchen, RuPaul’s Drag Race, & Shark Tank), but the shows I watch have some substance or creativity/profession in them. I don’t watch them to ogle over the people, their attitudes or how much money they have. I watch American Idol because I love music, I love the sound of someone who can sing (I can’t), and because we have a musician in the family. I watch Hell’s Kitchen or other food shows, because I fucking love food and love to cook. And if you have ever worked in the fast pace of a commercial kitchen, you’d understand. I watch Queer Eye, because they are creative, compassionate, and are accepting of other people. I watch Project Runway because I like the design process. I watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, because they are creative, funny, and driven. Shark Tank is about product innovation, creative thought, and business.
I spent 25 years down the Jersey Shore (Wildwood, Wildwood Crest, North Wildwood, Cape May, Atlantic City & the Villas. But not once did I watch a single episode of Jersey Shore. I thought it was insulting, degrading, stupid and certainly, wait for it…………… NOT REAL. How can you call a show ‘Reality TV’ when a majority of the show is scripted by writers to extract a more explicit response from viewers? I’m sure I will say something that is not accurate here but remember, I did not watch the show. I would guess that the show didn’t depict any of the cast members graduating high school, applying for college, going to a trade school, or needing to find a job that makes a decent living. It was all about drinking, their parent’s money, partying, fighting, and acting like an ass. Yes, I did some of that as a young adult as well, but in conjunction with other responsibilities. The thing that I can’t understand even now is why people spend their valuable time watching that shit. All reality shows do is make a group of people richer and provide no benefit to the nation.
Take for example, the Kardashians – another waste of time. They sucked the public viewers dry of their time and money. All along, doing nothing to make this country (or the world) a better place. If someone knows more than me, please let me know. I will always admit when I am incorrect. Do people watch this shit because they are unhappy with their lives? Do they think that by watching, they will manifest the same results for themselves, or do they truly admire these people? PLEASE! Maybe they are living vicariously through the show. I am guilty of that. I can understand that. Nathan is a musician. He’s a multi-instrumentalist, writes, and produces music. I admired watching him play the drums in shows. I watched his timing, watched him feel the energy, and closed my eyes to listen. I lived vicariously through him because I always wanted to play the drums as a kid, but my parents could not afford them, and we already had a piano. I had to take piano lessons, and I hated it.
Not always thinking I know it all, I check my thoughts with others. I was working out one day with Nathan. We were talking about the blog and the topic of reality TV. He tried to explain to me that some people may watch it as a way to disengage their brain. Just ‘sit and veg’ as they say. Maybe the show allows them to distance themselves from what is currently going on in their own lives. ‘Ok’ I said, but how about reading a book, taking a hike outdoors, going to a park, sitting on a bench and listening to nature, listening to music, how about working out (physical exercise)? It’s something we all need. He said ‘it is different for some people’. Ok, maybe. But what is the infatuation with watching another person succeed or fail?
It reminds me of people who rubberneck when passing a traffic accident. They want to see the damage, the carnage, the wreck. Maybe they fantasize about being a responder and helping save someone. That would be cool. But I don’t think that is it. My wife and I were driving up to New Haven, CT to help my son Ryan move into his new apartment. We went our normal way: north on the NJ Turnpike, GS Parkway, 287 over the Tappan Zee Bridge and onto the Merritt Parkway. We were doing well until the GPS told us there were 2 accidents reported that would add a 25-minute delay onto our drive. Ok, we understand, that happens on the Merritt Parkway. It is only two lanes each way, no shoulders, and accidents could be a problem. Twenty-Five minutes later, Jen & I approach the 2 accidents on the southbound side…WTF. People on the northbound side slowed down (for no apparent reason) to gawk so much (in my opinion schadenfreude) at what happened with the accident, that it caused a 25-minute delay on the northbound side. REALLY! Yes, I understand, we all need to slow down or pull into the other lane when there is an accident, broken down vehicle, or workers on the side of the road, but keep in mind the northbound & southbound sides are separated by an 8’ minimum landscaped median.
Having a musician in the family gives me the opportunity to hear various music genres. Some for the harmony, some for the groove, some for the theme, but in many cases, Nathan reminds me to listen to the words – the meaning of the story. I don’t like all the music he listens to, but he brought to my attention lyrics from 2 songs he knew I may not like, but the lyrics had meaning about what I was writing about and about the tone of this country’s current emotional environment. The songs are Vicarious by Tool & ObZen by Meshuggah. I tried to listen to Meshuggah…bro that was tough. I suggest you read the lyrics & not listen to the music. However, here is the first verse from Vicarious by Tool.
Eye on the TV, cause tragedy thrills me
“Killed by the husband”
Whatever flavor happens to be, like
“Drowned by the ocean”
“Shot by his own son”
“She used a poison in his tea
Then kissed him goodbye”
That’s my kind of story
It’s no fun til someone dies
Don’t look at me like I am a monster
Frown out your one face, but watch with the other
Stare like a junkie into the TV
Stare like a zombie while the mother holds her child
Watch him die
Hands to the sky cryin; “why, oh why?”
It’s true. We watch it, we want more, we schadenfreude, rubberneck, live vicariously. Maybe we need to slow down, take life in, make our own reality better, so we don’t live someone else’s.